No visit to Amritsar is ever complete without visit the Golden temple. The holy shrine looks so divine and magical, the moment your eyes see it. I had mixed emotions and experiences while visiting the temple and it's premises.
I must tell you I am not a keen pilgrim visitor, in fact I avoid totally. Also I am a cleanliness freak, so such places freak me out. 
Coming back to the Golden temple. The place is very organised for a religious place which thousands of believers throng every single day. Whether it comes you depositing your shoes, to buying prasad to Langar, everything is very well managed. The sarovar outside the temple looks mesmerising. This is the only place I have seen with such beautiful fishes and the little creatures aren't even scared of the humans' there. I was so surprised, they wouldn't even run away if accidently or otherwise touched by the humans.
Now as we stand in the line to the shrine, which is long and stuffed my claustrophobia starts. I thought a thought of a thousand times to give up and leave the line which was not only slow moving but also was suffocating, where there was not even a gap of half a inch between two people. The moment I decides to quit my 9 year old daughter told me to let it be and make it to the shrine.
Now it works in a tad different way for me. I always feel that religion and religious places shoukd have a calming affect on you. When you are faced with such situation it becomes a task and you feel like getting done away as quickly as possible. It doesn't invoke the appropriate emotions in you. It feels like a task to be accomplished. Here I am talking about myself. For some these hardships only makes it more pertinent. For me it kills all the enthusiasm. But I must say that I was so enchanted by the beauty of the carvings amongst the other things and the kara prasad after so much of struggle was like a pool of water in the desert.
The sarovar is beautiful. As I sat on the edge of the sarovar looking at the Golden and black fishes inside with temple in the foreground, there was a certain kind of peace, which I was expecting to feel inside the temple. The cold breeze from the sarovar had such a calming effect. It gives you serenity and helps you connect with the almighty. That's something you don't do everyday.
Want to come back here for the fishes, the breeze, the shrine, kara prasad, the sarovar and the soothing impact it has on the mind and soul.

wagah border

Wagah, or I should say Atari border (as this side of the border is called Atari.) is one of the must visit places, atleast once in your life time. I always wanted to see it. The feeling of looking at the last last gate of the country before the neighbouring country starts can't be described in the words. 
Wagah is not a place it's a phenomenon. The first lesson in patriotism. How our soldiers work, how it feels like to sit just a few metres away from Pakistan. We are not normal neighbours, never have been.
The retreat by the BSF personals leaves you mesmerised. The chants of vande matram, bharat mata ki jai and Hindustan zindabad sets your adrenaline to rush like mad. I haven't heard such honest chants in a very very long time. It felt like the most patriotic arena after or almost equivalent to the india - Pakistan match😀.
The 20 minute retreat is beautiful. Your heart goes out to the soldiers. Meanwhile you are curious to see how the other side looks like. You mentally check " are they any better than us?." " how many people are there in terms of number, in each side sitting in the arena?" Suddenly you become an Indian. The patriotic songs being played now make much more sense in your heart. You can see people from all age groups so excited. The energy, the enthusiasm.
I don't know about the others but I felt like hugging the soldiers. It is here when you see them you realise how hard they work, especially on these sensitive and high risk areas like borders. I just couldn't push back pathankot incident away.
On the way to the border I saw a board where lahore was marked 23 kms away.So feel so strange thinking about how close you are to Pakistan. Now we live around the neighbourhood which we love to hate and hate to love. We have a certain bias and emotions that we do not have with China, Nepal or Bangladesh, our other neighbours, but as we hear Pakistan the antennas are up. I saw some trucks at the border and was informed they were Pakistani trucks (we have a trade gate at wagah). I was curious to know and see them, how do they look like, what do we get from Pakistan? I can't say what you feel there good, bad, ugly or beautiful about Pakistan. There are no such emotions. For me when I sat there I was an Indian and I transformed into an Indian. Just thinking India is my country and that's Pakistan. I mean it's difficult to describe what you feel.
That border certainly has a much more impact on you than anything else you have ever heard or seen about Pakistan and India relationship. The trucks crossing the border. The black cat commandos, aggression of the soldiers performing the retreat, the crowd chanting slogans. You are in a different world and it's certainly not the normal one. I wanted to stop and talk to a few soldiers, but better luck next time.
Wagah/ Atari whatever you want to call it, but do visit. It is worth all your while.

Why golden temple is not just another shrine

Why golden temple is not just another shrine?
As I visited the Golden temple again the thoughts started creeping up again. It cannot just be termed as a shrine. It is something more than that, something vast, something more divine, more meaningful. Here's why
▪ It has four dwars (gates), it symbolises the open hearted welcome to all religion, caste , creed from all walks of life. 
▪ Two different forms of life co-exust together without being in the role of hunter and hunted. 
▪ It has a community kitchen where people are fed free food to everyone. People irrespective of any caste, creed or religion can serve or do "karsewa" at their will. Which invokes community feeling.
▪ They also provide temporary accomodation in the premises itself from the people who come from far and for some reasons cannot or (by will) do not want to stay outside.
▪ The Holy book of guru granth sahib is worshipped, and not any effigy. Which to me implies much more sense. The sculptures never change.
▪ The weapons are worshipped. Sikh started as warrior community. To worship something that protects you and the others can never to lesser than the almighty itself , if not the almighty.
▪ There are alot of elements, the water body, the shabad, Kirtan are soul stirring. It has almost meditation like effect on you. The kinds where you find yourself in the midst of so much crowd.
Harminder Sahib is just not a religious place. It's how an utopian society should be. The model of how a society should be.There is alot to learn from here, just keep your mind and senses open and be ready to receive.

In the light of the recent divorce of the famous personalities and not to famous one's, where the union of 18 years , 20 years and a few tennage kids later ends . My mind just can't stop wondering is the 7 year itch a myth. Is the institution of marriage a myth itself. No matter how many years you spend with each other and how many kids you have together, marriage isn't secured anymore. There is no age for issues like infidelity, growing apart, cheating or taking each away for granted.
Is divorce an only solution. To some I would say yes, you could be living together for 50 years and yet fiercely not compatible. I myself know of a couple who is. The reason not not divorcing...convenience, kids and social stigma. Another such couple I know has been a mismatch since beginning. Mentally abusive husband with three daughters...no divorce...kids damaged psychologically for life...a damage that can't be understood by anyone. These situations call for a divorce an urgent one, a real early one.
What I don't understand the divorce between people who do not have such grave issues. What is the excuse or infidelity yet sticking by your partner because you want your image to be intact in the society. It's like having best of both words. Here I am not referring to any specific gender. Things like cheating, insecurity and infidelity aren't gender specific. They are common. And what about kids. Either don't bring them in this world or if the seeds are sown then give them proper support, sunlight and all the other factors until they no longer need it. Both mother and father are the important basic ingredients of a kids life. Has this been not the case, it would have arranged that way. We would have been able to produce individually like some of the organisms in this world.
The point is, is this reunion a total myth...when can you safely say that we are beyond this line, now there is nothing that can go wrong. Basically when can you say we see each other growing old together or its a happy ever after from here. Or are there no happy ever after at all.
It has turned so scary. It has becomes so unstable that you keep wondering. Who and what is next. Someone who is posting a happy picture today might be ready to post a saperation or divorce announcement the very next day. It's just not the global warming and pollution we need to get scared of. I think decomposition of the human relationship is the worst kind of threat we are facing today. 😕😐

Last week I was at my doctor's clinic for the regular checkup. We exchanged pleasantries as i walked into her cabin. As we started talking there was a call on her cell, which she picked up. She spoke at length and patiently, advising, sympathising while examining me.  I thought must be a call from her known. As she put down the phone, she informed she was talking to a patient about her teenage daughter about some issue. I was amused. This instantly took me back to the incident almost two years ago. My son then 2.5 years old had high fever and the medicine could not bring his fever down. we called the pediatrician so many times and she didn't pick up. Desperate and at our wits end at 6:30 am we located her house and went knocking on her door. She opened and gave us a look like what the hell. This doctor of mine always entertained messages and calls. She patiently listens to you and provides solution. 

I could not but compare the two doctors and then i realised that, its is not about being a doctor but it has more to do with the kind of human being you are. When you are happy with what you are,where you are and what you are doing it shows on your face and your attitude. Both doctors are women, mothers and of course working for money too, But the one understands the depth of her profession, while the other is just too professional. 

Before being anyone else, a doctor, a teacher, a businessman, an engineer or a vegetable seller you need to be at peace with yourself. The work you are doing should give you much more than the money and occupation or even name and fame. Your experience should make you a better human being as you progress further in life.  I agree that not everyone has same circumstances and same upbringing, but the fact also is that when you are happy and satisfied with yourself it reflects on your face, it reflects on your life and in this process you make many more lives worth living.

You would notice there are some people who look so calm and inviting and there are others who you are uncomfortable to approach. Being at peace with yourself doesn’t mean that you aren’t ambitious or you are stagnant or you have stopped progressing since you are happy in your space. In opposition to that that when the happiness and contentment comes from within, you not only illuminate other people’s life but you progress effortlessly.

So be at peace with yourself first, it’s the first step towards the success, yours as well as others. J

Is money a friend or a foe? Is money really a dark demon we christened it to be or is it a victim of circumstances like many of us. I think money is neutral, it never denies contributing to the charity or crime in the same way. It's like water or the servant of the master. It follows the instructions and motive of the owner without being judgmental or being in denial. Money is never "black" or "white" it's not even grey, its everything in between. It's colorless and shapeless. It gets as powerful or as worthless as you would want it to be. Blaming money for all the misery is as bad as blaming the knife for the murder. Some say money can buy everything, and to some extent it does. If you have money you can buy happiness; yours as well as others. You can buy a smile, yours as well as of the others, it solely depends upon you. It can buy comfort. It can buy bombs and it can also buy bandages. It can also buy integrity and loyalties too. The most important quality of money is that it speaks the universal language without even uttering a single word.  Isn’t it totally amazing? When you find yourself in foreign lands amongst strangers, it’s the money that comes to our rescue. It entirely depends upon you what you want to buy with yours. I read somewhere “Money is a good slave but a bad master.” And it made me wonder, how a non living thing can be a master of a living, intelligent being like human. It’s like saying my car is a bad driver, or my computer is an intelligent teacher. It would be untrue because when the reins of something are totally under our control then how can it rule us? Strange enough we are mostly bitter about the money when people don’t have, once at the other side of the fence, the complaints about this deadly demon ruining the world become lesser and lesser. It is essential to understand that in the journey of life money is one of our many acquaintances and not our leader. Actually we should all learn a lesson or a few from it, to be it symbolizes, be the most extraordinary and still posses the power to turn the world upside down. Have no power of your own and yet rule the roost. On the other hand, it also shows us how to be the most loyal subordinate/ worker and never question the motive and intention of the person you are with. This the kind of employee that all of us dream of. Don’t we?
Let us give it a thought is money really a culprit or does the fault lies within us.

As we crossed the famous Tihar jail. I could not help but notice the graffiti on the wall. The conversation focused on the jail. I read somewhere that the inmates painted these. Someone informed that there are such talented singers inside and he has had the opportunity to sing for them and hear them sing as well. " and some of them are exceptional. " he gushed. The conversation then moved to the other topics. 
My mind wandered inside the jail. I kept thinking this high security confined area we call jail is full of criminals, some deadly and some petty. Yet some other criminals made by the circumstances.Some of them people with talents unknown to them. I thought, God bestows us with many facultie, it's us to decide which faculty to develop and how much. Sometimes we are too lazy, too scared or too ignorant to step into unknown, thinking we might just fail, fall down or simply " not our cup of tea". We brush aside what we can potentially develop into something beautiful or something that requires a real talent. It's the matter of choice we as humans choose the easiest. Sometimes that easy may not be that easy (like murder or theft or something like that. ) But it seems easy at that point of time against something that requires labour of sweat and blood and not to forget practise.
Sometimes freedom taken away from us or the lack of options make us look down deep inside us. Something that's not easy. Something that's still in explored. We develop that has always been dormant in us.
Sometimes in darkness we find our true selves. The place where we least expect or too afraid to look out before.......think about it.☺

I am a very nervous traveller when it comes to the airplane journey. No matter how many times I fly it feels like the first time. Jitters a day before, nervousness when it takes off...anxiety...anxiety...more anxiety and super anxious as it decends to land. I keep watching all the airplane crash series on the likes of discovery and then keep thinking about them on board. 😣
During one such journey I could not help but notice my 4.6 month old son excited. He kept watching outside the window consistently and getting excited. He had to be told a zillion times to strap his seat belt as we approached to land. I kept wondering that he had enjoyed the entire journey. He considers it as a means of travel and not something deadly to be scared of. He was enjoying the moment the journey.
This made me think, is too much knowledge really harmful? Just because we know too much about everything that adds on to our miseries. Is it our constant search of too much knowledge of everything that stops us from sitting back and enjoying the moment we are in? Is it really folly to be wise when ignorance is a bliss. What has to happen has to happen it won't change if we worried or we didn't just like my 4 year old he wouldn't bother if the landing gears get stuck or the plane shoots of the runway or looses it's balance. He won't feel fear or anxious until he sees it on his parent's face. He would live for the moment and enjoy every bit of it.
I smiled as we had a smooth landing and he was disappointed since we had to leave the plane. Hope I remember the lesson learnt today I said to myself. 😊😊

The hall wedding ( North weds south)

After the temple wedding was done, we had good 3 hours to our disposal. We had a hearty meal of soft hot idlis with chutney and sambhar. We then headed to get ready for the hall wedding. 
The bride got ready in a very bright red kanjivaram. A simple hairdo with manteeka and gajra made her look so astonishing. She was ready in about an hour. We had decided to wear our kanjivarams too. For the hair, I told the beautician to put as much gajra on my bun as humanly possible. The smell of the fresh jasmine was intoxicating and unmatchable. 
It was now time to welcome the groom. He was welcomed by brides mother with the jasmine garland. My son washed groom's feet and then both bride and groom walked towards the stage together. 
The stage was decorated with coconut flowers, wheat, lamps and other such things which were the symbol of productivity. 11 small girls brought the small lamps and placed it on the stage. The bride and the groom took pheras of the same. I wondered what could be better than taking the pheras around the symbols of productivity and prosperity as two young lives were about to start a life together. The garlands were exchanged. The bride tied a gold chain around the groom's neck and he in turn adorned her neck with a beatific necklace. There were shouts of congratulations. 
As a north Indian I wondered if we would be able to treat both of them with sweets as I could not see the sweet boxes in the vicinity. Then the groom's mother came with a glass of milk with small chunks of banana in it. We had to fed the couple spoonful. 
There were no envelopes given, no gifts showered. Only genuine smiles and pictures. As for the cash. We were told to keep Rs.100 in front of the God on stage. 100 to the man playing shehnayi and yet 100 to the priest. Not more than that. There were no bandwalas asking for "neg" and nagged you. 
After the pictures were done ( people didn't rush for food after giving envelopes since there were none to be given. ) the lunch was served " sadya" or the traditional wedding food was served on the banana leaf. The food was without onion and garlic and ofcourse our beloved paneer. Apparently you have to serve vegetarian food even of you are a non vegetarian. 
The vidai was done admist laughter and smiles. We knew we are not giving away our daughter, she is going to a new home. 
The simplicity of the entire process just made me speechless. The brother of the groom who had to attend the hall full of people came several times to ask her if we need anything. It was so humbling. What a gesture I thought. I kept thinking that in North the colour of our skin is white but in South the colour of their heart is whiter than that. We spent so much on our weddings and here they prefer to give it to the newlyweds and keep it simple and yet so elegant and purposeful.
I would also like to say that it is not necessary that everyone will have the same experience, but this is what we experienced. May be we were the lucky ones. 
In the end I want to thank my sister and my brother in law, had it not been for them we would have never had such a divine experience. May they live happily ever after.😊

We were a part of the south indian ( Malyali ) wedding, as my sister got married to the boy from kerala. We were informed that there will be two part of the festivities. One marriage will take place in the guruvayur temple very early morning and another in the hall at near about 11am☺
We kept wondering as to why such early morning wedding. In the morning we all woke up at 4am, grumpy from the previous day's travel. We all got dressed up. The bride was looking exceptional with her kerala saree, her gajra, green bangles and chuda ( remember north meeting south.). It was just before the dawn that we reached the temple on foot. Those white sarees to me symbolised the purity of dawn; serenity. There was mandap ( elevated stage). The traditional music was played. There were only seven people on the stage. Girls parent, groom's parents, priest and the bride and groom. Soon the garland made of tulsi and lotus were exchanged. The groom and bride took the phera. The groom tied the mangalsutra. And I don't know if I will do the justice to that experience we had. It was very early morning. The music was soul steering. The temple was in the front. Tulsi around their neck. The smell of fresh jasmine gajras. It was such a positive environment that the tears and smile appeared on everyone's face at the time. The two young people were about to start a life. What can be more pure and pious than this. Far away from what we do in the north. So simple and yet so heart touching. The hall wedding in the next post.

#templewedding#southmarriesnorth #guruvayur

The North meets the south

Two days ago, my sister got married into a malyali family in a traditional ceremony in the Guruvayur temple. It was a deadly combination of north marrying south ( atleast to the relatives.) When my sister first expressed her desire to marry a south india guy ( yes at that time all of them living in the south india were just south indians.) we were a little sceptical, they must have been too, . Then they came down to meet us for the very first time. What stood out in them immediately was their humility and simplicity. we connect well. We were invited. What we saw in their house as we visited them further made us believe that our choice has no flaw. The wedding date was fixed and we came back as a very happy family. In the meantime we knew that the girl of the house was getting married to a malyali and ,yes they are different from Tamilians, Kannadigas, people from telangana and people from andhra. They are different in a lot many ways. Their language, food, perspective, everything is different. Mallus are much humbler and way less aggressive. What happened at the wedding where north met south will follow soon.